Update: Couple of pics from my last day off..
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Just been feeling a lot of emotions over leaving my job. Why is it so hard to just be? Why do I have this anxiety? Why do I feel like I have to quantify it? Don't misunderstand me, I am beyond blessed to have the option. This is what I WANT at this point in my life.
BUT that doesn't take away from the fact that there is a part of me that is incredibly anxious about it--the past 32 years of my life has geared me up for working. Not being a full-time mom. (Case in point, my dad REFUSED to let me take home-ec in 7th grade with all of my friends. No, I had to take Creative Writing. To this day, I credit that for my inability to cook a chicken breast or know how to properly sew a button).
Not one time in my entire life did I ever think I would be a stay at home mom. In high school it was always about college, in college about my degree and getting the perfect job, and at work it was always advancing and getting that glowing review. I've always considered myself a pretty driven person...and frankly, for the first time in my life I am feeling extremely vulnerable and a little insecure. One lesson I'm quickly learning is that it's much easier to be a bad parent than a good parent. Being a good parent means a lot of tantrums, saying no, and unfortunately discipline which isn't really all that fun.
But I've never been one to look back. My philosophy in life has always been that life is what you make of it and sometimes it's hard, so have a good time when you can, be kind to everyone, and don't care what other people think. I had a great time in high school, college, and my 20's were a blast...but I don't want to repeat any of it. Life is about change and moving forward.
I just want to be good at it.
3 comments:
I can guarantee there will not be anyone giving out glowing reviews. That's one of the hardest parts. No pats on the backs. No "atta girls." But it's awesome...and you'll be good at it. I promise.
We have talked about this so I won't say TOO much. But even on the days when you don't feel good at it, you will be glad that you were there and that you didn't miss a moment. Your identity will change- and you will feel good about yourself- in a whole new way. And, no glowing reviews but who needs reviews when you get mid-day hugs and kisses from YOUR precious BABIES?!
Girl- you will be a GREAT SAHM!!! And yes- the praise is few and far between.. and there ARE those days you will say,"did I make the right decision??- am I cut out for this??" You may feel differently from day to day, and that's perfectly OK!!!! Give it a year or two, and you may want to get back to the corporate world, and if you do- embrace that too- it's all part of your journey sister- it's not life or death, just life! We all have been there- if your are ever feeling overwhelmed, know that you are NOT alone!! Just call me- I'll make you feel all better in about 5 min... trust me- I've got some zingers... Poop stories and tantrums alike- I've got em all!!! ;)
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